I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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