Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize