no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
