can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
