If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
