you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
