my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
