Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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