Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
