i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
