you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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