My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
