I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
