You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
