take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
