guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
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