We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
