Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
