i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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