if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
