I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
