We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
