Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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