Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
