K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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