thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize