Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
