"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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