Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize