after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
