My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
