I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize