I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
