am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
