I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
how does that bad decision feel?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
