someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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