ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize