Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
