Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
