Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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