I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
