i may or may not be watching the land before time
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
