his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
two words...techno handjob
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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