dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
