I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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