just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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