i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
