I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
