my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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