I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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