I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
What drink are we having for lunch?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
