Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
well you can't waste a boner
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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