my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
