dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
