Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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