I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
