Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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