You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
