i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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